(A re-blog from my Myspace)

January 15, 2008

Change

I’m finally getting to the point in my life where I feel like an adult. And not in an “old crotchety, dang I have to pay the bills way” although I do sometimes feel like that. Yesterday was a day when I felt like I could make a difference. That I’m not just in the world, but that I can change it. Ever since 3^rd grade that was my goal. To change the world. It all started because of an Earth Day project and I was appalled by pollution. It then became my life goal to clean up the Earth. Since then that thought has evolved into cleaning up the earth in every sense of the word. Clean up the pollution, the hatred, the stupidity, and the ignorance.

Yesterday I had the privilege to substitute teach for a 1st grade class. When I came into the class the kids were at lunch. After recess I brought them in and had them sit on the carpet. I introduced myself and immediately got a welcoming cheer because I would be their sub for the rest of the day.

Our first lesson together was to learn about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Which first entailed having them chant his name so they could get it right. Despite my efforts many of them were still saying “Muther King Jr.” Before I started to read the book on his life, I asked the class if any of them had heard of him before. Some of them said yes. When I asked what he did and why we were learning about him one little girl said, “He got shot.” And that was pretty much the extent of their knowledge.

So I as I began to read the book, it dawned on me that this was probably the first time these kids have ever heard about what this great man did. What he stood for. This was probably the first time that some of them have ever heard that a man believed in peace instead of war. (And God knows these kids have heard the word war more times than the word peace in their young lives).

This was the first time that they ever heard of the name and woman Rosa Parks. And that she was arrested for not giving up her seat (After some clarification that she did not in fact arrest the white man because he wanted her seat.) That this is the first time they have ever heard the word segregation. That this is the first time they have ever heard “I have a dream that one day, in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.” When I got to the part where it said Dr. King was shot, it was so silent.

How amazing and powerful a lesson that was.

Later in the day I had duty on the field. I saw one of my favorite students. I subbed for him when he was in first grade and again this year for second. He’s a bit of an outcast amongst his peers. He’s a little chubby and wears glasses and just can’t find a connection with the kids his age. I saw him trying to join in on some games and predictably the kids would repeatedly run away from him.

Finally when he was in ear shot I said hello and asked how his day was going. We started talking. I told him I really liked his Star Wars shirt. He then told me all about it. That he got it for Christmas and that it glows in the dark. We then discussed our favorite Star Wars characters and I teased him about liking Count Dooku because he was a bad guy. This made him laugh and then he said he also likes good guys like Anakin Skywalker. As we were talking I was walking around the field making sure the other kids weren’t killing eachother. As we walked he put his hand on the crook of my elbow. And we walked and talked. Finally the bell rang and he went back to his class.

It breaks my heart that this young boy has to grow up in a world were kids are unkind just because they can be. It breaks my heart that all he wants is for someone to acknoledge him and let him know that what he says has importance. That he has something to say worth saying. I hope that my small kindness, our small chat lets him know that he matters. That he belongs in this world.

After I subbed I then went to my second job at Starbucks. One of the girls I work with came in with her little girl who is I think less than a year old. She is probably the happiest less than one year old child I have ever met. She looks at you with these joyous eyes just waiting for you to smile at her so that she can smile back at you. Its really the neatest thing. She also just learning to point at things and that this gesture will get her things.

So as I was standing at the espresso bar her mom was holding her. She was pointing at all the steamed milk and cups. I had an idea. I got a piece of ice and held it up to her hands. She tentively touched the ice with her small fingertips. Immediately she looked at me with such surprise and wonder. Her little mouth made a little ‘o’ shape. She continued to touch the ice and kept looking at her mom and me with that same little expression. Slowly the ice melted and she looked at me like “Well, that was unexpected.”

Yesterday made me realize how much I want to be a mom. How much I want to change this world. To raise my children to be kind. To teach them that this world is surprising and yes, many times dissappointing, but that they have the opportunity to make it a better place.

Maybe my 3rd grade dream to change the world is starting to take shape.

Oh and as it happens I was subbing at the very school where I had that first thought.

Peace. Love. Evolve.

~HM~